Here I am minding my own business and scrolling through the brunch tag….

Only to have some asshole post placenta and umbilical chords. Jesus Christ, goodbye appetite! I don’t need you anyways.

….why did I click that?

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

TEXT TO NOAH PUCKERMAN

BLAINE: :|
BLAINE: This time it's not for sex. :|
BLAINE: Not completely, at least.
BLAINE: Seriously!? Thank you, Puck! I really appreciate it and I totally owe you a favor if you ever need one.
PUCK: Adding some romance in? I get you. It is Valentine's day. Even I know you have to up the romance quota then.
PUCK: Anytime, dude. You owe me nothing.

RACHEL: I am going to ignore that comment and carry on like you've never said it. There's been something I've been thinking about for a while now and it pertains to me and you. It started when I was speaking to Blaine and he brought a few things to my attention that had to do with, well, dating. I read an article the other day about woman and how we're taking initiative in more aspects of our life. So, simply put, I wanted to know if you'd like to go on a date sometime? You can decide where we go and all. I wouldn't want to take that part away from you but I feel like it's something I'd like to do... I'm not sure about you, Noah, but there are a few unresolved feelings on my end and what better way than to face them now? So, what do you say? Is it an option or am I getting in over my head again?
PUCK: Wait, really? I did not think that was what you were going to ask me at all. Didn't know it was an option for us. Puckzilla is not and always has been a ladies man, but still you surprise me. Yes, I would love to go out with you. If I'd have known you were into it, I'd have asked you to do something after new years. So....tell me more about these feelings. Is it the imagining me naked kind of feelings? I could listen to you go on about those for hours.

RACHEL: Well, hello there to you too, Noah. It's nice to know that you've actually taken to calling me. Honestly, I didn't expect you to make an attempt so quickly. So I'm pleasantly surprised! But, as I've promised, a few hints or details to our planned weekend. The first is that it's centered around your dorm room. The second, it's something I feel you'll greatly appreciate -- not because you can't do it for yourself but because it takes a bit out of your schedule. The last is... Something I don't want to give away just yet because I have something else I want to talk about. If you don't mind?
PUCK: I can't tell if you're talking about sex or something odd like cleaning. I was never good at solving riddles. Give me a present that I can shake the box, and I'll tell you what it is right away, but give me hints like those, and I'm still pretty lost. Interested, but lost. What else is on your mind?

BLAINE: So, got any plans for Valentine's Day?
PUCK: Not a single one yet.
PUCK: How about you? Wait...you guys wanting the apartment to yourselves?
BLAINE: ...Is it that obvious?
BLAINE: Only if it's not too much to ask..
PUCK: It's Valentine's day, so it didn't take too much to figure it out...plus sex is usually one of my first guesses for most things.
PUCK: It's not. Don't worry about it. I will take care of this one.